Typings of a wayward hand

Disclaimer: may contain intellectual and serious content.

This is the second time I’m writing this. In Microsoft word this time. On sister’s laptop. Take number 1 perished when the adaptor for the laptop was dislodged and the laptop shut down an hour later. And notepad doesn’t a rescue file thingy. so the document was empty. zzz. So I’ll try to remember the contents of what I had written last night with my ultra powerful memory and improvise to create the ultimate philosophical literature. if there is something that I don’t lack, it is confidence and cynism. and a sense of humour. hurm. Now I’m mixing my English between American and British. Which shows how deep I’ve sunken into the abyss that is bad English.

Choices. Why oh why do we have choices? having choices leads to doubt. and once the choice is made, there is a high possibility of regret. how many times have you heard yourself thinking "if only ….." or "what if i had ….?" its all an evolutionary process. in the primitive times there werent much choices. they were usually "kill or be killed", and the only questions our ancestors would ask themselves were "should i eat fruits and vegetables or should I try to kill that huge woolly mammoth in the middle of its group with this thingamajig somewhat sharp stone tied to the end of a stick?", or "should i follow my instincts and stick my dangly bit into the corresponding region of the female counterpart and start stroking her jiggly soft bits located on her chest, or should I face extinction?" and i guess we know what decision was made. if not we wouldnt be here. and those were fairly simple and easy choices to make. even though i wouldnt say that the primitive humans were as mentally advanced as we are right now i think that they can think and rationalize and also follow their instincts to get by and propagate til the current generation.

And hell yeah we have propagated. too much for my liking actually. The current state of our Earth can attest to that. I’m not saying that we should live like our ancestors did and lived in small colonies without the need to travel(major cause of pollution) or the need for technology(another major cause for pollution) and use only what is necessary (and sing kumbaya every night and get mauled by wild beasts or wiped out by aliens). Nor am I suggesting that we exterminate every1 that is deemed incompetent (actually I’ve been entertaining that idea for quite a while, but let’s assume I havent. maybe we should devise a test to determine the competence level of human beings in various applications and mental abilities. whoever fails 3 times before the age of 20 will be sacrificed. whoever turns 20 and hasnt passed will be killed too. or forced to work in concentration camps as cheap labour/slaves. except for the hot chicks. sorry, genetics need some blending too. ).

That would instill the necessary values in every human being. that would also increase the amount of respect for each other. kind of like the Spartan rule. every1 is born and bred to be a warrior, to respect their comrades/fellow citizens. because right now there are lots of useless people who dont actually deserve the respect that is given to them. again, its all about what you are born into. some very competent people might not have had to chance to prove themselves just because they werent born in the right family. and now the non malays are resenting the government and malays because of the malay special privileges. although i would have to say that i have enjoyed some of the privileges i would have to say that these same privileges are making us (malays) complacent and incompetent. one of the areas is in education. the malay quota. local universities have to accept malays to fill the quota before accepting other students from other races. and this leads to some undeserving malays being accepted not because of merit, but because there was a quota to fill. i would believe that acceptance based on merit is more fair. because it IS fair. that would in turn increase competition and make everyone work harder to earn their place. THAT is fair. but as most of all know, the world and life, in general isnt fair. to those that dont know that fact its probably ignorant and are the privileged few. yes, I’m talking about you, the rich kid that got everything he wanted in life, including his own company, car, house and everything from your parents and from knowing the right people. haha. but i would like to think that most of the people that read my blog are people that have a balanced perception of the world around them or are open to accept these facts even if they havent exactly seen or experienced them. of course i might be badly mistaken and the readers of this blog are actually idiots or people that have nothing better to do online. that, of course, is up to you, my fellow readers. (the term ‘fellow’ readers was used because I too am reading this. like, duh.)

Ok, back to the subject of merit. and that sacrificing incompetent people thingy. I truly believe in the natural law that is survival of the fittest. Although I may be useless in some ways, I believe I have something valuable to offer the world, and humanity in general. My mind. I believe that I have a pretty good intellect. And I think I could be a good writer. If someone out there is an editor and needs a writer for a magazine, consider contacting me.  tech magazines and auto magazines preferred. I have a deep ambition to be an automotive journalist and to test drive nice cars and share my experiences with others. But that’s just me. Back to the subject at hand. Which was, erm, I’m not sure. I have strayed abit far from the blog post title. But abit more on the current system in Malaysia. Malays have grown complacent. Corruption is rampant and the norm. even if you can’t bribe a cop, bribery is everywhere, especially in the higher levels of administration. And of course, politics. It is pretty common nowadays for a tender not to be given to the more deserving bidder, but the one with the most connections. Especially government tenders. I’ve heard of one big project that was put on hold because the tender was delayed. The reason for the delay? They were waiting for someone related to some politician to become a contractor and start a company before the bidding started and the tender was given. And you all know who got the tender. So favoritism AND corruption.

Oh dear. These are troubling times we live in. And top that fact with the fact that the contractors have bad workmanship, can’t build shit and can’t maintain shit. Yes, we Malaysian CAN build. Sometimes. And after countless delays. But we cant maintain something. Lots of government buildings with countless problems and fallen Nuri helicopters attest to that. Maybe its our mentality. I guess it’s the ‘lets get it over and done with’ thinking.

Ok. Back to the title. Choices. With choices comes doubt. And doubt is sometimes a good and bad thing. If you are doing something that you think is right and you have doubts, that isn’t a good thing. If you are doing something morally and legally wrong and having doubts, that shows you have a conscience. And that you are human. But what if the choices aren’t as simple as black and white, good or evil and the lines differentiating them are very thin and blurred? When the choices are good or better, or bad or worse? And what if we don’t know which is good and which is better, and which is bad or worse? That is the dilemma that we human beings are faced with almost on a daily basis. Which our ancestors didn’t face. Although some of the choices that were made are now written in history. Like Bill Gate’s and Michael Dell’s decisions to drop out of prestigious colleges. Or Japan’s choice to bomb Pearl Harbor when America decided to force a trade embargo towards Japan when the Axis countries started WWII. Maybe if the Japanese didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor the Axis would have won the 2^nd World War and Malaysia would be part of an ‘Autonomous Region of Great Japan’ or something. And America wouldn’t have been able to establish themselves as a world superpower and would self collapse. It is normal and human to have doubts. Having doubts is important because it would cause you to think further on the choices that you have and make the wisest decision. Or not. Of course, if you didn’t make that decision you wouldn’t know whether that decision was better or worse (we are talking about the grey lines, not something as obvious as black and white). And thinking can be good. It means that you are a product of evolution. You have a (at least partially ) functioning mind. Congrats! You deserve to live (to a certain extent)! Which leads me to the other topic in question. Regret. We all have regrets. Like “damn, I should have chatted up that hot chick that was alone at that bar, chances like that don’t come often”, or “I should have confessed my love to that girl before she got married”, or “I shouldn’t have tried to taser myself just because I couldn’t find anything else to try it on, except on my elder sis; while she is sleeping. But that would just be stupid and lead to more regret” (btw, I bought a taser. It works, but not as potent as I would have wanted. Which is the smoke rising from body and blackened skin effect. Of course, before buying I didn’t have someone to test it on. Its not polite to taser the seller. Or if I did taser myself before buying, maybe I wouldn’t have been (in the physical and mental condition to be) able to buy it if it were that strong. ). Ok. But I do believe that we shouldn’t depend TOO much our rationalizing abilities (it varies from person to person, but some people’s sense of logic and rationalities are pretty screwed up) and let our instincts and mind work hand in hand to make (maybe) the best decisions. Which, hopefully, is the right decision. But we wouldn’t know for sure, would we? So we cant be sure for certain that we made the best decision. So why think, rationalize and get headaches in the first place? Because we need to make the decision that has the least doubts and would most likely lead to the least amount of regret. Because regrets are killers. The last thing on a person’s mind when on his deathbed? His regrets. You betcha. Between praying to God and asking for forgiveness, he/she is regretting the decisions made in his life. Like stealing from the orphanage he/she used to volunteer at. Or beating up his (maybe ex)wife. And so on. So how do we make decisions we wont regret, you ask? Well, there isn’t a general answer for the various choices given to us. But you should about it hard enough and ask for opinions from others (make sure that they are people who you respect, are respected by society in general and have a sound head on their shoulders) and don’t forget to factor in your intuition and instinct.

I’ve been reading about this book, “the powers of your subconscious mind”. And usually your subconscious mind knows better. Think of it as a higher reasoning. The book tells a lot about healing powers, the laws of attraction and how to harness the power of the subconscious mind to lead a full fulfilling and happy life. And by reading that book I might have reached a turning point in my life. Maybe for the better. Maybe not. Still, I believe that reading it beats Hairy Pothead anytime. We have enough entertainment in our lives. Too much entertainment to develop a balanced mind and mentality. Which leads to incompetence. So does that mean that I have figured out what is wrong with society? Yes. And I’m not the 1^st to do that. The problem is to bring change. When people become complacent, they do not desire change. Which, in my words, leads to mind rotting. Bringing change to society is much harder than following the norms. That’s why most socio and political changes are revolutions and more often than not, require the use of force.

Another topic. Resent. There are many instances in which the choices you have are not decided by you. Usually they are decided by your parents, your friends, your superior, teacher, or possibly anyone. Hell, someone you might not even know could make a decision on something and it could affect you (that is the state of world and society we live in, and yes, it sucks). And when the decisions that were made for you weren’t for your own good (or was the best compromise considering the other choices you were faced with. But you will never know whether that choice was the worst decision. Not until someone creates a time machine  ) So when the decisions made for you don’t lead you to the best peace of mind, happiness and creates doubt and regret, there is bound to be resent. Because at some stage of everyone’s life, there will be a decision that was made for that person, whether he/she wanted it or not. And resent isn’t a very good feeling. People that have resent towards other people aren’t the happiest bunch of people in this world. Even though I might seem to be, erm, well developed mentally(?), I do have resent towards some people. Namely, my parents. And I am a product of my environment. If you think I’m an asshole, blame my parents. If you think I’m pretty nice and ok, well thank my parents. I refuse to take blame or accept responsibility for my actions. ;P . Cause I believe that they have made some important life changing decisions which I did not agree upon. Which lead to my resent. And rebelliousness. I didn’t want to study at UTM. And many of you might already know that. I considered quitting several times, but my parents insisted on me staying. So I stayed. But I still didn’t ‘study’ at UTM. I spent most of my time harboring resent towards my parents while attending the minimum passing attendance rate for class while playing dota and enjoying life. Hell, u cant spend all of your waking time hating someone can you? That wouldn’t be healthy. 

Another thing about the subconscious mind. It says that once you imprint some image or thought into your subconscious mind, it will assume it is true and work towards making it reality. So let’s say you dreamt of something. Like going somewhere and doing something there. And its not something that you usually do or have never done before. It is either your conscious mind putting an imprint on your subconscious OR it is you subconscious telling you what is going to happen. Because in truth, the subconscious mind knows the future. And let’s say you remember that dream. But you just don’t realize or remember where you got that experience from (dream). And so when the time comes that you actually do the exact same things that u “experienced” in your dreams (but you don’t know it’s a dream, you just feel like you’ve done it before), you get the feeling of déjà vu. And that is what déjà vu is. And so I have solved another of life’s mysteries. Damn I’m on a roll. Almost everything that happens can be linked to the subconscious mind. And practically all unexplainable happenings are attributed to the subconscious mind.

Ok, you must think that I’ve gone crazy, spewing forth bullshit after bullshit. “What the hell is this dude thinking???”, “He must have gone whack!”, or “Whatever he is on, I want some too!” But sadly to say, no. I’m not (knowingly) on any drugs. I’m trying to sound like some evangelist that preaches stuff, so I will leave it at that. If you are interested on learning more, get the book I mentioned. Maybe it can change your life too. At least I would give you a more positive outlook on life. Which I believe is important. I’m a naturally a pessimist. I have a very analytical nature. So I find faults easily, am somewhat easily discouraged when I don’t see results of my work, and don’t have the nicest personality. Which I blame on my upbringing. Haha.