at brunei
had a weird dream last night. very weird. i dreamt that a friend of mine (female) had died. and why isnt it a nightmare, u ask? well because i had conversations with her ghost. hurm. which was the weird part. her death was the cruel and inhuman kind (she was kidnapped, raped, then murdered). hurm. and the conversations with her ghost was about revenge, the afterlife and obtaining peace. i guess its about becoming more religious. and it is a dream, so its not exactly true. cos if im not mistaken in islam there are no such things as ghosts. when u die u spend ur days in the grave where u will be tortured(unless if ur some1 that is very religious) until armageddon, where every1 that has ever lived will rise from their graves and meet at the judgement place. there their deeds and sins will be weighed and they will either go to heaven or hell. so about the dream. its also a testament about how unsafe the world is nowadays. especially in malaysia. cos the pressures of the current environment creates more "dropouts" in life. as in people with no real goal, purpose or meaning in life. and almost all of the time these individuals end out becoming criminals. and their minds turn out not to be the best. so more will go to those mentally ill hospitals or jails, depending on the severity of their mind conditions. and how do we stop this from happening? easy. abolish the current education system (which is basically a memorize and regurgitate system) and go for something that is more creativity based. so that people will learn what they want to learn. and not inhibit their imagination. free minds are hard to come by nowadays. of course another way to reduce the pressure society puts on people is to convert everything to communism. that is a more thorough way. of course, that will inhibit a lot of things. too much for people to want. but the current state of society which is very bad and ill is the product of government policies. the japs have a very safe society. crimes rates are among the lowest. girls can go out alone at night. in malaysia if u were a girl and u were alone at night and took public transport (not in a car) u would be stupid and most likely to get into some deep shit. kidnap and rape comes to mind, maybe murder too. its too common these days. of course it does depend on where u are. some places in this country are safer than others. but still, anywhere in this country there is a potential criminal. some criminals arent hardcore (as in multiple crimes, in and out of jail). some are law abiding citizens until something inside them snaps and they go rogue. so next time u see some dude, just think of him as a potential criminal. me included. i believe its the pressure caused by expectations. most jobs here arent the kinds that can be inherited. so u have to study, get good grades and get some job. in some places if u just didnt like school u could just be a farmer like ur dad or work at some place like a bar/restaurant/shop/etc. in places like kl the cost of living is too high for some1 that earns something from spm qualifications. so with money constantly in ur head its like a timebomb waiting to happen.
having pounding headaches these few days. dunno why. and yes they pound. the back of my head. i think that part controls the memory and eyesight. it might be the turpentine that i inadvertedly smelled while painting my mom’s arts and crafts homework. or it could be something else. maybe i have some sort of illnes (other than GERD and eosophigitis) like brain tumour or something. and hell, maybe my fate is to die young. might as well go when ur young than when u have a wife and kids. or course i would prefer that i go while i am a pious person, not as the current me. which would probably go to hell. yeah, i havent been fulfilling my responsibilities as a muslim. and i know of lots more that are like that. im not pointing fingers or anything. thats not the point. cos its between me and god. and to properly call myself a muslim i have to buck up religiously. asap. about the dying young thing. normal people shouldnt think like that. u should be thinking i cant die yet, i have lotsa things to do and wanna do (which wont be done even if u live til 100 cos u wont have the time/money for it). but i am not a normal person. i can be a perfectionist, the most obsessive compulsive person ever or the most relaxed laid back person. adding that i used to have adhd (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) when i was a kid throws a curveball into the equation. i get bored easily. but i’ve now gotten used to it rather than jumping up and down on chairs like i did at school in the US (which got me sent 1 grade lower lol) and tend to sleep off the boredom. or play with the cat, or listen to the ipod or something (ilario graziano has one of the best voicest ever) or just sleep it off. which i tend to do a lot nowadays. and i can be the person that does something without thinking or the most apprehensive person that has to think and analyse my future actions ten times before doing it. or not. so i am not the most motivated person ever(my exam results reflect that fact nicely lol). that would prove problematic if i were to get a job. i would pass the interview, i have everything an interviewer wants. i know that cos i am very composed and dont lack in confidence, general knowledge nor thinking capacity(hell i think i have a very good mind. creative, analytical thinking, u name it i got it). the problem is after i get a job. i wouldnt be the hardest worker. unless if i wanted to. i can be very enthusiastic and proactive. but not often enough. so i hope no hr manager/job provider reads this blog. hurm.
okay, turns out that the headaches were a sign. it meant that i was now a psychic and can read minds. oh wait thats not it. it meant that i was gonna get a flu. which i have right now. woot. nothing better to wake u up than a nose that is as clogged as the sg petani hospital pipe with sanitary napkins in it. so i couldnt breathe through any of my nostrils. was it that bad? yeah, considering the phlegm (or whatever they call it) is in the nostrils, nose cavity, throat and made my head feel 2kgs heavier. felt like i was semi drowned the whole day. and after some phlegm cleaning up (luckily i have big lungs and a strong diaphragm) there was some blood in it. must be the overexcessive force of trying to clean it up. after jacking myself up with vitamins and minerals, some panadol and some flu medicine i am ready to get to sleep. but sleeping sucks when ur nose is dribbling clear thin waterlike liquid and u wake up with half ur face and part of the pillow wet.
